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Megan Fox’s NYT outtakes courtesy

I’d really like to hope that this is not really the way Angelina feels about Megan. What I want to believe is that either Angelina is like “Megan who now?” or that Angelina’s like “I’ll shank that sk-nky little poseur if she comes near me.” As much as the media seems to want to make the Angelina-Megan thing a competition, or that Megan is “replacing” the 34-year-old Jolie, I don’t really think that’s their dynamic. I think Megan stalks (”the comparison is the bane of my existence” she says), and Angelina is aware, but doesn’t really love or hate Megan. Certainly, Angelina wouldn’t care enough to give advice to Megan. Just my take.

Transformers starlet Megan Fox, 23, has unabashedly talked up her lesbian trysts, wild temper and self-cutting. But Angelina Jolie has some advice for her young doppelganger: Shut your mouth.

According to a Jolie source, “Angie has been saying, ‘That woman acts like a fool. She needs to mind her Ps and Qs. She’s saying shocking things for attention, but those things will follow her around and be reprinted forever.’”

Jolie, of course, speaks from experience, the pal adds: “Angie said, ‘I wish someone had pulled me aside when I was young and told me that. Now I’ll forever be known as a lesbian or a self-cutter, instead of what I worked so hard to become. You have to put a muzzle on it!’”

Operation Theater

Operation Theater

Nicole Kidman acts odd

The Huffington Post has a poll up about Nicole’s lips, and they have a series of close-ups of Kidman’s lips throughout the years to compare and contrast. Once you look at them, it does become obvious just how “plumped” she’s getting those puppies.



Us Weekly piled on too, pulling Nicole’s old quotes about how she’s all-natural: “I am completely natural. I have nothing in my face or anything.” Us Weekly then quotes Dr. Martin Braun, a Canadian Botox doctor, who claims that Nicole is so “over-Botoxed…frozen and strange” that she looks like a bat. Seriously.



Just when everybody gets on the bandwagon about how rough Nicole’s Botox-injections-surgery stuff looks, that’s just when I start feeling badly for her. I used to think she was totally crazy to mess with her beautiful face, and I hated her a little for how waxy and unmoving her face had become. Now that everyone’s picked up on it, I think people should give her a break. She fears the reaper, y’all. And having that frozen face is punishment enough.



Everyone was talking about Nicole Kidman at the Country Music Awards in Nashville. “She looked freakish,” said one witness. “She just had her lips done, and now she looks like Meg Ryan.” The Aussie actress didn’t want to be interrogated on the red carpet and fled, leaving behind her perplexed husband, Keith Urban. “She just flipped out and took off running,” said our source. “Keith kept saying, ‘Where is she? Where is she?’ ” Kidman’s reps had no comment.

Michael Lohan tried to sell Lindsay recordings for $100,000

You have to watch the video and see and hear Michael to really understand why it’s absolutely necessary I punch him in the face. Normally I go with something a little more vague and gentle, like “I wanna kick him in the ear,” or “I’d like to step on his stomach.” But whenever I do that I’m always thinking how I’d really love punch that person in the face. And with Michael Lohan, I’ve just got to say it. He needs to be punched. A lot. I’ll give the requisite disclaimer that you shouldn’t. But oh my God would I understand it. Just saying.

If that all weren’t enough, Michael also says that God is taking Lindsay’s career away from her. You remember that part of the Bible, where God is talking to that douchebaggy guy and is all, “Thou shouldn’t snort things up thou’s nose. And if thou doest, I shall smite you with straight-to-DVD film roles.” (That was a little bit of old school God and a little bit of Shakespeare).

After the first tape was released, Lindsay tweeted that her father was a “loser.” On her Twitter site yesterday, in an apparent reference to her mom, LiLo tweeted, “She blames herself for staying w/him for so long, I’d beg her not to leave b/c he always threatened to kill her if she did.”

But Michael told The Post’s Rita Delfiner, “That’s a lie. I guess Lindsay is on more drugs than I thought to say something like that. Now I’m going to release more recordings that prove everything she is saying is nothing more than a bunch of lies.

“No wonder why God is taking her entire career away from her,” Michael continued. “Because she’s forsaken everything He’s given her and she’s done nothing but misuse all the gifts she’s given.”

Oh the sanctimony. It is perfectly God-like and Christian to escalate things in a childish war of retaliation with your own daughter. But if she says things about you that you don’t like (and which may well be true), then God’s taking her career away.

You just know this isn’t going to end well. “Well” would be Lindsay going into rehab. And Michael falling down an elevator shaft or something. But the way this drama is escalating, it feels inevitable that pretty soon we reach the climax. I think everyone can see it but the Lohans.

Jessica Simpson calls Melrose ‘crap’

I could go off about how dumb and naïve Jessica is, but frankly I like that she’s unconditionally supportive of her sister. It’s nice when your family loves you so much that you can do no wrong. Well, to an extent. But Ashlee’s bad acting definitely falls under the family umbrella. They all probably think she’s amazing and super talented, and I think that’s sweet.

All that said, getting kicked off “Melrose” supposedly hasn’t taught Ashlee any lessons about her acting skills.

Us Weekly mentioned that she doesn’t want to return to singing, that she’s been spending most of her time going over scripts, and that “‘acting is her focus now.’”

God save us all. I was only able to sit through the show a time or two, but watching Ashlee’s scenes was excruciating. She was so bad it actually made me feel awkward and uncomfortable, and I had to stop watching.

If she’s really got her little heart set on acting, I’d say she should probably set her feet in motion towards a good acting class. Or seven.

In case you’re interested, here are some priceless pics of Jess at Halloween. Maybe it’s me, but it looks like her left boob is trying to go drastically different places from her right one.